Drom & Inch GAA Club

Matthew Ryan learns about the Real World after 6 months in college

Last Updated on Tuesday, 15 February 2011 10:56 Written by owen.ryan Tuesday, 15 February 2011 10:56

Matthew Ryan – All Grown Up

I’ve learned that it’s bright in the mornings at 6am on the way home from a house party….. I’ve learned that pasta is cheaper than bread….. I’ve learned that water is cheaper than milk.…. I’ve learned that my junior cert was a waste of time.…. I’ve learnt that my leaving cert was a waste of time….. I’ve learnt that my PLC course was a waste of time….. I’ve learnt the first 6 months of my college was a waste of time….. I’ve learnt that Scoots is a waste of time. …. I’ve learnt how to live on just €10 a week for food, I’ve learnt how to spend €120 a week on drink.…. I’ve learnt how to keep on my pennies in a glass jar….I’ve learnt how to find loose money behind the seats in The Pond. …. I’ve learned how to bring Bucks out drinking with me and he buys me drink. …. I’ve learned that women are lovely. …. I’ve learned that all men are competition and therefore not my friends….. I’ve learned how to play hurling 6 hours a day mid week. …. I’ve learned how to watch daytime t.v. for the remaining 10 hours a day. …. I’ve learned that Judge Judy would make a great judge in North Tipp. …. I’ve learned how to get up off my arse to switch the programme rather than buy new batteries….. I’ve learned that Fosters tastes like piss….I’ve learned that Fosters is the cheapest drink in the Stables….. I’ve learned that Fosters if you drink enough of it, tastes ok after a while. …. I’ve learned that Fosters give you a very bad hangover. …. I’ve learned how to get up in the morning with a bad hangover….. I’ve learned I don’t have to get up in the morning if I don’t want to especially if I’m hungover from drinking cheap fosters….. I’ve learned to go into LIDL….. I’ve learned not to buy any drink from LIDL….. I’ve learned that drink in LIDL can be used to clean the bathroom. …. I’ve learned what a waste spilt drink is….. I’ve learned how not to spill my drink. …. I’ve learned how to walk 2km to college and back without complaining. …. I’ve learnt to get a lift the 100m to the Pond for work. I’ve learned it rains 360 days a year in Limerick….. I’ve learned the sun shines out of Andy Burke’s arse….. I’ve learned how to spend €15 a week on txt messages….. I’ve learned to receive messages at 7am in the morning….. I’ve learned how to send drunken txt mes sages….. I’ve learned to regret sending drunken txt messages. …. I’ve learned how to use the Internet. …. I’ve learned that the Internet is full of information….. I’ve learned that most of the information is rubbish. …. I’ve learned the best thing about the Internet is porn and Onthewing©®™ stories. …. I’ve learned to accept defeat….. I’ve learned the best way to accept defeat is to go out and get locked.…. I’ve learned after I accept defeat I have to accept the hangover on top of the defeat….. I’ve learned if I keep going to way I’m going I’ll end up like Paul Collins. …. I’ve learned that Paul Collins is a wreck….. I’ve learned its all Trevor Hassett’s fault that Paul Collins is a wreck…… I’ve learned that I’m lucky never to have lived with Trevor Hassett.…. I’ve learned that Michael Butler is spoilt. …. I’ve learned that I should be spoilt too….. I’ve learned how to ask for money without feeling guilty about it afterwards….. I’ve learned how to get money for books but spend it on booze.…. I’ve learned that TV has fucked up my short-term memory. …. I’ve learned drink has fucked up my long-term memory. …. I’ve learned I don’t need a memory if I can get notes off other people….. I’ve learned that I’m useless with names….. I’ve learned that her name is Katrina….. I’ve learned that I’m not 100% sure if her name is Katrina….. I’ve learned what its like to walk home from a night club in the cold and the rain….. I’ve learned that it’s not too bad walking home from nightclubs, locked, in the cold and rain….. I’ve learned it’s horrible to walk home in the rain sober. …. I’ve learned not to be sober too often….. I’ve learned that LIT isn’t too bad a place….. I’ve learned I’m glad I didn’t go to LIT….. I’ve learned how to run away from taxi’s without paying….. I’ve learned to hide in the bushes for 2 hours trying to avoid the annoyed taxi driver….. I’ve learned its well worth it to avoid paying the €4 taxi fair….. I’ve learned that Limerick is safe even though it’s called stab city….. I’ve learned never to look ANYONE in the eye in Limerick. …. I’ve learned never to ask for directions in Limerick….. I’ve learned not to go to Eric Woodlock’s house. …. I’ve learned that all they do in Eric’s house is study….. I’ve learned that Eric lies to me about what goes on in his house. …. I’ve learned that Trevor Hassett has him ruined and brings him out to strip clubs every Tuesday night….. I’ve learned that Trevor won’t be too happy about this going on Onthewing©®™.…. I’ve learned that Trevor can shove it where the sun don’t shine if he doesn’t….. I’ve learned that mixing coke, red bull, 5 spoons of coffee and hot water to a pint glass can keep you awake all night for study….. I’ve learned that mixing coke, red bull and coffee give you a headache for 3 days….. I’ve learned that Buck fast can keep you awake at night but not when studying….. I’ve learned that buck fast is only for special occasions.…. I’ve learned that its better too keep your composure on the phone to the Dean of Law & Euro in UL…. I’ve learned not to trust anyone who rings you saying they are the Dean of Law & Euro in UL…. I’ve learned not to cry on the phone when someone says they are the Dean of Law & Euro in UL and that I’m after being caught cheating in my exams…… I’ve learned that Professor Hanrahan isn’t the Dean of Law & Euro in UL….. I’ve learned that I don’t know the Dean is or what a Dean does…. I’ve learnt that I can be easily caught out in prank phone calls about cheating…. I’ve learnt it was all in the name of fun and I wont be taking any revenge out on that person….. I’ve learnt that college is going to be the best 4 years of my life, especially that the parents are funding 99% of my social life!!!