Drom & Inch GAA Club

Dog Throwing

Last Updated on Tuesday, 15 February 2011 10:55 Written by owen.ryan Tuesday, 15 February 2011 10:55

The Tipperary Star

Sheridan Snatch’s Victory from Jaws of Defeat

By Noel Dundon

It was one of those days that will inspire future fireplace tales, to young wide-eyed gaels, of heroic mastery and extreme physical achievement. The annual Drom & Inch Dog-Throwing championships were played out in front of a capacity crowd in picturesque Drom village last weekend in pleasant conditions. Ice creams were the favoured delicacy as the 40,000+ made their way to the golden land, overlooked by the towering Devils Bit mountain range, to watch Eamonn Kiely (Drom Demons), Michael Sheridan (Barnane Bulls), Shane Kennedy (Annfield Cowboys) and Damien Young (Ragg Patriots) fight it out for the title of Dog-Throwing Champion of 2005. Shockwaves reverberated around the golden vale when it was realised two months ago that James Kennedy would not be defending the crown he won last year after an unforgettable shoot-out with Dickie Kennedy when his Wolfhound managed the magical 100 yards for the first time in the history of the games. James suffered bereavement in the run up to the Pallishill final when he killed Aldo (the dog) after an off-line throw ended up with the hound smashing against a ‘spiky yoke’ in the field. James was so distraught he smashed the said ‘yoke’ to the ground with his fists, roaring like an ancient Celtic warrior who had lost a giant’s duel.

Michael Sheridan in training with a friend near the Devil’s Bit summit.

Kiely, though, was determined to live up to his predecessor’s reputation. He had chosen a Wirehaired Terrier, to compare with Young’s Poodle, Sheridan’s Pomeranian and Kennedy’s Bulldog. Ageing regulations dictate that one throw is allowed in the competition and one only. This rule has been criticised of late in the media with The Times Tom Humphries labelling it “archaic”, “backward” according to RTE’s Tom McGurk and “just plain vomit-inducing” by Austin Broderick, who, like JP McManus, is donating all the proceeds of the one day event to charity. First up onto the hallowed sod was the Ragg’s favourite son and the man who drew the housewives to the show, Damien Young. Wearing red Armani trousers with a yellow Versace shirt, Damien looked resplendid in his carefully chosen attire, hinting at a Rupert the Bear look. With Poodle under his arm, Young made his way to the throwing circle to the sounds of “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. To the squeals of the dog, Young started to circle the mutt above his head, gathering speed immediately. Women swooned as beads of sweat started to drip from the All-Star’s nape. At full speed, Young let go and the dog landed a respectable 45 yards from the launch-line. Mild cheers met this result, with the educated audience reckoning that this would not be a length to feature in the final shake up. Damien left the coliseum arena to see to a different kind of length. Giggling middle-aged women followed. They were last seen riding the Throbbing Black Knight (– one of the most fearsome rides in Borrisoleighs Amusements of course!!)

Next up was a plump Kennedy with his Bulldog, an unusual choice for the throwing v

eteran. Shane, donning a blue silk gown and Reebok Wellingtons, entered the circle to a chorus of boos from the Kiely-partisan crowd. Everyone remembers the 1999 ‘Leggygate’ when Kennedy was discovered to have cheated in that year’s Pallishill Qualifier. His Fox Terrier reached an unbelievable 189 yds but it was later revealed by the DTI (Dog-Throwing Inspectorate) that Terence the Terrier had only three legit legs, the fourth being a miniature propeller. This hack believes Shane should have been expelled until death. Shane escaped banishment, claiming it was the dog’s fault. Anyway, the crowd got their wish when in his initial swing; Kennedy slipped on a stray eel and tumbled backwards with the Bulldog landing on his face. Tyson (the dog) reacted by taking a lump out of Kennedy’s mug to the roars of appreciation by the baying onlookers. It was Kennedy, and not Tyson, who left with his tail between his legs.

Shane Kennedy’s dog Tyson, suspiciously eager looking some people have claimed….

Things were to go from bad to worse when the MC announced that Sheridan could not be found. 25 minutes had elapsed when Michael turned up the worse for wear having spent the last 3 hours downing Black Russians in ‘The Raperee’. In his richly inebriated state

, Sheridan lifted his Pomeranian and launched it spear-like for a distance of 65 yards. A magnificent throw in the circumstances. Unfortunately, Fluffy didn’t move on landing and was declared ‘In Shock’ by the Oder of Malta paramedics. Sheridan just shrugged his shoulders, hailed a taxi and headed towards ‘The County Bar’.

A supremely confident Kiely had been patiently waiting in the background, reading a copy of ‘Sheep Slaughter’. When the music blared through the loudspeakers, donated by Bulmers, to Kiely’s theme tune of ‘We Will Rock You’ by Queen, Eamonn rose with the utmost confidence and strode towards the arena. The 40’000 bellowed “No couple’s hairier than Kiely and his Terrier” – to which the Drom man pointed defiantly to Kennedy’s ear, making biting movements with his teeth, mocking the hefty Jackeen. The cheers were deafening.

Kiely took his position in the circle like a royal heir squatting on his throne and started to slowly swing the terrier meticulously and smoothly above his balding nugget. Even his four-legged friend seemed to be grinning in anticipation of a flight of fancy towards his sandy resting position. Having gathered up propeller-like speed, the Drom man gracefully released his mutt towards a surely victorious ending. Sometimes in life, we are reminded that events don’t always run, as they should. The man above can work in mysterious ways and so it was when a Golden Eagle, flew in the direction of the tail-wagging creature, met him in mid-air, and snatched him from the sight of all and sundry, and from the title. A distraught Kiely went into a furious rage, cursing the skies, lambasting the Devils Bit golden eagle breeding ground and most of all criticizing his pet for sheer lack of bravery in the face of Eagle-snatching.

Kiely’s tormentor – a Golden Eagle

Officials had no option but to proclaim Michael Sheridan as the winner, the easiest part of the procession. Next, they had to find the wily mountaineer. After 3 hours of searching the alehouses of the town, Sheridan was found in ‘Clarkes Pub’, Templemore with his belt in his hand, whipping anyone he could reach. Sheridan, completely drunk, accepted his trophy and €32.50 cheque with a grunt and attempted to strangle the organizer Austin Broderick with his belt, laughing like a man possessed.

So, there you have it. On the day that Kiely’s fate was decided by the swooping of a feathered friend, Young scored with a crowd from Drombane and Kennedy lost a body-part, Barnane rejoiced in the knowledge that the Drom & Inch Dog-Throwing title is resting in the Devils Bit tonight.