Classic One Liners from Drom’s “Most Notorious”
Last Updated on Tuesday, 15 February 2011 11:01 Written by owen.ryan Tuesday, 15 February 2011 11:01
Onthewing Real-Life Quotes:
The people quoted in this article may or may not have actually said what is written below, all that matters is, that they could have said it, or at one point in time they thought about saying it.
Frank McGrath on his relationship issues: “You could say we’re like Pavarotti’s arse cheeks, we’re back together after a lot of shit passed between us”
Noel Kenehan on his opinion of the opposite sex:
“Women are like Swans always after your bread. And I have lots of bread”
But after in-depth research Onthewing found out that the only birds Noel attracts are ducks, wild geese and the odd blind starving pigeon.
Liam Kennedy on not being desperate: “Never chase a woman or a bus”
Paul Stapleton on his long-term relationship and why it’s lasting so long:
“Women need water, food, compliments and the occasional pair of shoes”
Seamie Butler on his love rat status:
“A man is only as faithful as his options at any given time”
An overheard conversation with Shotgun McGrath:
Shotgun’s Mother: Why did you do that to your hair??
Shotgun: Because I’m gay ………….
Mother: Get out of my house!!
Father: Don’t worry I’ll play him full forward for the Junior A’s, put in match reports to the Tipp Star saying that John was the hero, give him loads of money to go off drinking and cover for him at work when he does nothing,,,,that should change him back.
Matty Ryan (Shoulder) and his work ethic:
“My Brains a bit like Network 2, Fuck all happens until the afternoon”
Robert Hicks and his get up and go style:
“I cant stay in bed, the latest I get up is 7.30am otherwise the day is gone for nothing”
Andy Burke on his secret way with the ladies:
“I’m sometimes sentimental”
Speaking of chat-up lines, the following are chat up lines exclusively used by the Butler household in Ballypatrick:
>Kevin Butler: “Hi I’m Seamus Butler”
>Mícheál Butler: “Hi I’m Seamus Butler”
>Séamus Butler: “Hi I’m Seamus Butler”
In an explanation of how complicated it can get, Seamus explained that:
“Its awkward to get slapped in the face by some young wan because of what Mícheál done, or to have the great reputation that ‘I know where the goals are off the field too’ being ruined by Kevin. He wouldn’t find a goal or hit the black spot in a million years, too much of a nice guy and no killer punch. And it’s my name that’s getting tarnished.”
Asking if he’s going to put a stop to it, Seamie replied:
“No,, Kevin has a nice shirt I wear going out the odd night”;
And is he going to stop Michael using his name in vain?
“No, Mick runs after the ball for me when I go to the field taking points”
Like a dog I ask him?
“Yeah, like a good sheepdog”
Paul Collins {the man who thinks he’s bar manager in The County}:
Ugly Female: How much is a glass of water? Paul: €1
Stunning Female: How much is a glass of water? Paul: For you baby it’s free!
Drom Hurler: Can I have a glass of water? Paul: Ha ha ha ha, here’s a free pint..
Sars Hurler: Can I have a glass of water? Paul: Next please!
Damien’s recent conversation with MacDara:
“Can you take that knife out of my back please, it’s going to give me a scar”
Eddie Kinnane in the mighty Thurles Sars dressing room this year after we finally bet them after 30 years trying in senior level, a match that went to the wire and was only sorted in injury time in extra time. As you could imagine the loss to their close neighbours, the dressing room was a most depressing place after the game. You wouldn’t wish it on any team. Yet Eddie being a true Gael went in and said:
“Would ye like to buy sliotars? No?? How about a few text messages?? Would ye like to buy text messages?? No??? A few grips maybe?? How about floppy disks??
Would ye like to buy floppy disks?? Hello …… No …..??? Yeah……??”
Onthewing himself responding to Bucks’ criticism that Paddy Kennedy’s Honda Civic Story wasn’t funny all the way through:
“Its hard to be funny for a full 500 words Bucks. There’s not that many funny words out there. Anyway, I’m a creative writer, the story needed some sort of a plot with padding and a storyline”
Bucks wasn’t happy though and decided that he was going to ring Eircom and complain about the internet, that for the amount he’s paying them there’s nothing good on the internet.
P.S he must have a nanny lock or something keeping him out of the porn sites!!
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