Drom & Inch GAA Club

Bucks gets mean, tick and sulky with the Onthewing Team

Last Updated on Tuesday, 15 February 2011 11:14 Written by owen.ryan Tuesday, 15 February 2011 11:14

Bucks gets mean, tick and sulky with the Onthewing Team

Onthewing made his long trek up the mountains to the home of Eamonn (The Legend) Buckley. As I drive into the yard I see Eamonn digging a hole in the ground. I make my way over to him.

Onthewing: Hi, Eamonn, what are you doing digging a hole for?? Are you trying to keep fit by digging holes?

Eamonn: Your some fool, no a badger killed 3 of our cattle last week and Im after killing the badger with a spade so I need to bury him. Are you the lad that keeps doing those stupid interviews for that stupid club web site?

Onthewing: Yeah. Some people enjoy them Eamonn, the old people see it as a way to keep in contact with the youth in the Parrish. So Eamonn, how do you think the season is going for you this year?

Eamonn: Thats a stupid question. Of course its going ok. This is stupid. Im playing unreal for the club, unreal for Tipp, and unreal for UL. Pity everyone else is shit, especially those useless forwards.

Onthewing: You have been labelled as being the person who gets thick with the drink in the club. How does that affect your relationship with the other members?

Eamonn: What do you mean by that??…..Come ‘ere you b****x !!!

[after a bit of a struggle and a chase I finally pin Eamonn to the ground, give him a belt of the shovel across the back of the head to calm him down]

Onthewing: Relax, your fair tick, and no drink inside you. Just a few easy questions are all I want. Any news Buckley?

Eamonn: Call me Bucks if youre calling me anything, or else f*** off, your sooo stupid.

Onthewing: Ok, Bucks, any news? You passed the magic age of 21 recently, it means your now an adult and will have to grow up, how do you plan to go about that?

Eamonn: (no reply).. (awkward silence)

Onthewing: Ok, so tell me about your farming activities you have here on your marvellous farm?

Eamonn: Well its 150% grant aided, which means I get money for nothing, we even get money from those stupid f******s in the Department for the REPS (Rural Environmental Protection Scheme) to keep the farm tidy and green. Well, Ive killed 15 badgers, 25 hedgehogs, 150 red robins, burned down all the hedges, them hedgehogs are the worst, theyre evil little b******ds, with all the spikes on them. All these stupid animals out here in the countryside Id love to burn them up in a big furnace, they never leave our cattle alone. Ive spent ages cutting the legs off of rabbits and leaving them to die but still our cattle wont thrive

Onthewing: Oh thats terrible, and its the badgers and hedgehogs and robins that doing the damage?

Eamonn: Your soo stupid. Of course it is.

Onthewing: Can I see the cattle?

Eamonn: Yeah, they’re over there in the field of rushes, behind the furze bushes—jaysus that rhymes, im a poet you know, I make class poems that rhyme.

Onthewing: There is no grass there Eamonn, thats why they wont thrive, only rushes and briars and dandelions, they wont eat that stuff surely.

Eamonn: Your some fool, your stupid, I know everything.

As I leave the Upperchurch air I give Eamonn one last belt of the shovel, and know Ill see that man again some time, either on the hurling field or outside Hayses firing abuse at some unfortunate County minor.